51 Lies We Tell Ourselves

“The biggest lie I tell myself is that I can just ‘rest’ my eyes a few more minutes.” This was the status updates from one of my hilarious friends a few months back.  Now whenever I hit the snooze button, I mentally debate whether the extra seven minutes will help or hurt my morning. Am I lying to myself?

Probably.

Still, I hit snooze.

I asked a few friends if they practice self-deception on a regular basis; the responses flowed like water and many of them overlapped.  So in case you’ve ever felt alone, here are the classic lies.

1. I don’t want to cancel the gym membership because I’m going to start going.
2. I don’t need help putting sunscreen on my back.
3. I will fit into my super skinny jeans again.
4. My gas gauge isn’t accurate; I can go farther before filling up.

5. I will never complain about hot weather AGAIN (said the entire East Coast after this past winter)!
6. I won’t compare my children to other people’s children.
7. Not having a car gives me freedom.
8. Roller coasters will NEVER give me a headache!
9. Bangs are easy to keep up.
10. I can get there in “20 minutes.”

11. UCLA will make it to the Final Four.
12. I bet someone already put paper in the copier.
13. Cologne is a good idea.
14. I’m going to bed early tonight.
15. The candy jar on my desk is for other people.
16. No one can hear me complain when I’m in my cube.
17. I don’t double dip.
18. I’m just going to look up ONE thing on Pinterest.
19. I won’t regret eating cake for breakfast.
20. My 700-sf apartment isn’t THAT small.

21. I’m not addicted to coffee.
22. The cleaner must have shrunk these pants!
23. Open work spaces are a good idea for everyone regardless of their ADHD level.
24. I can go out for a little while, but I’m not going to stay late.
25. My car will NEVER have dog hair in it!
26. I can trust the office copier to collate properly.
27. My gray hair really looks blonde.
28. Leggings are the same as pants.

29. Selfies aren't self-centered.
30. I can go to Target and buy only what’s on my list.
31. I won’t fall asleep if I study in bed.
32. I can resist the bowl of tortilla chips.
33. I won’t check work emails when I’m on vacation
34. If it zips, it fits.
35. No one will notice if you bring fish to the office for lunch.

36. The dog has finally calmed down.
37. Those Sesame Street songs are really catchy!
38. This year I won’t gorge on Girl Scout Cookies.
39. I will get to _______ tomorrow.
40. I still look great in mini-skirts.

41. No. really, I think the dog has calmed down.
42. Ctrl/alt/del will definitely fix this.
43. I made enough guacamole.
44. Yoga pants are suitable public attire.
45. No one cares if I listen to my music without earphones.
46. And the cousin to the one above – everyone loves Michael Bolton.
47. I won’t buy lunch today because I packed one from home.
48. I’m sure I bought enough fruit for the family THIS time.
49. This organic deodorant really works!

50. THIS time the Legos will stay organized.
51. I need these shoes.

There doesn't seem to be a natural stopping point for the deceit!  Have I missed any lies you use?