Parenting through the mundane

There are days when my kids have ahhhmazing manners; they remember "please" and "thank you" without prompting; they look people in the eye and say, "Yes, sir" or "No, Ma'am" as though their mom was from South Georgia and not Southern California; they pick up after themselves; and they are consistently kind to their sibling. BOOM!

In those moments, I want to credit stellar parenting.

Then, quicker than you can say "whiplash," I see my children turn on me, my husband, each other, and the world. You can imagine the scene - ugly attitudes, ungrateful dispositions, and sibling squabbles. Every last parenting technique fails me, and I'm convinced I'm raising children who will require years of therapy to "get over" their crazy, angry mom.

I realize these far-reaching ends of the parenting spectrum are typical and I've come to see either extreme as motivating. When the kids are great, it's easy to show up for more fun.  When the kids behave terribly, it's time to double-down and focus.

However, what's becoming more challenging to me is parenting through the mundane. Showing up and paying attention when the family atmosphere is neither high nor low seems to be riskier than the dramatic events. When the days are kind of working, I'm tempted to slide into my own thing.

After a long, four-day weekend with the kids, I've never been more aware of this principle. My temptations are subtle and they slowly take me out of the circle of interacting with the short people.

The kids can make their own breakfast so I can be on the computer, right? They can grab their own shower, so I can gab on the phone with my sister. If anyone's bored, I can shoo them out the door to play with a neighbor.

Don't misread this - none of these things are wrong, but in the moment they are my markers that I'm on the path of least resistance. Disengaging feels easier than sitting down and playing a round of Uno.

And yet, Uno is exactly what I need to be doing. Even when my kids don't require active "parenting," they still benefit by being around a parent who is active.

There are more days of  maintenance in life than there are days of high drama (good or bad) and I shouldn't trade any of them; as a good friend of mine says, even when the days are long,  the years are short.

I better show up to catch all I can!